no life to lose

I just saw a snail stretching its body up over a wall, shell following. If we pollute and kill this world and take other life with us, nature is intelligence, she'll have a way back. The way of nature may be not in our favour, she may use what we deem ours and take from us to move herself forwards. She does not love us, she does not hate us, she gives rise to us and provides all we've ever needed, not for love though and not taken in spite. A great provider and the intelligence behind all life she'll let us go as needed.

I saw the intelligence of nature outside of the snail, outside of me, the moving bushes, the active insects, the birds gobbling up nectar, seeds and berries. Nature animates us all by her following Tao. Tao does not love or hate nature it is her, unmanifest.

Meditating all of this as I walked I moved absent of thought. Awareness saw me arrive at my destination and do as I needed to do. My intelligence as with the snail, the bushes, insects and birds surrounded me. As I felt my limbs, as I felt thoughts in my head, as I felt love in my heart, I knew I was not these. No little man sat behind any of this watching it, I lived at one, the same I as behind all in nature.

I'm aware from the work of science and medicine that I have an intricate nervous system rooted in my head. It is no wonder that I sense and feel so much that happens around me and to my body, in my head. But no me lives in my head. Science can find no me there and as "I" am aware of these feelings so then they are not me, not the me who knows them. My heart feels electrical, buzzing with power and love, I feel a connection up from my heart as if it is powering my head, as magical as this is I know that I'm not my heart. I can only be beyond, I can only be beyond my body but feeling local due to being attuned to this nervous system and sensory system.

Years ago I had my death experience after a sickness where I could not eat or drink without regurgitating for two weeks. I was so thin and malnourished that when circumstance lead that way I just let go of life and moved with the possibility of death. In this difficult to describe situation too I was made very aware of my not being the body, the body was very easy to leave and live without. I came back though. The next day I ate heartily, the illness was gone.

The senses have me feel local connection to this body but the intelligence is not held here. Intelligence is all of nature and Tao, one for us all, animating snail, human, bush, insect and bird. That's who I am and that is how a taoist survives death, there is no life here to lose.